You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FUCK WHALES
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
