if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
