somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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