I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
