he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
