That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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