My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
