officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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