I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
