After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
