some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
