just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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