she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
