physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
