If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
