why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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