he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
