Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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