How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
