I will die if light touches me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
