onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
