Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
