My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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