It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
