I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
