yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
