Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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