I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
