my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
