Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am available for nakedness
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
