Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
