Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
