We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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