some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
