im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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