4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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