There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize