There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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