Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
