it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize