what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You ruined the universe
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
