Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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