Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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