i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
