i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
