Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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