i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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