im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
