My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Green mimosas i think yes
So squirting runs in the family.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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