its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
