I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
