Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
