i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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