a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
only you would photoshop your dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
