You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
