He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
