i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
