she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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