So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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