Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize