my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
