I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
