the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
