I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize